Disclaimer: The characters represented in this fan fiction are copyrighted to Sarah Waters 2002. Any characters portrayed as in the TV adaptation of the novel Fingersmith are copyrighted to Sally Head Productions for the BBC 2005. No copyright infringement was intended.

 

Note: I was wondering what Maud might have written to make her living. What were the words that were full of want? I know I've changed my tense. I did it on purpose to symbolise the process of thought to realisation.

 

Feedback: Archaeobard

Want

By

Archaeobard

I imagined you on those nights when you had taken to your room, lying cold in your narrow bed. I imagined that you had thought of me and stirred. I imagined that I would creep and come to your door. I would listen, perhaps for a creak, perhaps for a sigh. I would hold my breath, trembling, until I could stand it no more.

I would raise my hand to my lips, remembering the feel of you. I would close my eyes and draw my fingers to my breast. I would shudder and grow hot, for you were close and warm. I would feel it rise upon me, the carnal nature of it; the thing that must be sated.

So I push lightly at your door. It swings, soundless, inward. Like me, you have a light, a small candle stub, burning beside you. It silhouettes you. Your lips are parted, your breath stirs the air. I stand and watch. I watch the sleep on you; the softness. The counterpane is drawn back; your nightgown gaping. I see the flesh and I touch my own in response. It is heated and fiery. It is lustful.

My eye droops and my breath catches. I take a step in my bare feet. I pass the threshold. I seize the scent of you, your hair, your skin and I breathe you in. That breath draws me further, closer. If you wake now you would see me standing like a ghost. You do not wake. I reach out my hand and caress the air before me. In some way it holds your form. I step closer still until I can feel the stir about you.

I sink down upon the ground. The floor boards are hard and cold. I sit for a moment, then it takes me and my hand stretches to you. I move a wisp of hair. You turn you head. I retract in fear, but then, then there is amazement.

Your eyes open, you smile in half sleep. You smile at me. There is a kind of triumph to your gaze. And I can see it, the wanting in you. It makes me bold. It makes me wanton. I rise up, I touch you; my fingers to your face.

I have removed my gloves for they are clinical and I wish to be raw. You shiver, you smile. I move. I come to you, closer, creeping closer. I kiss you; grasp your lips with mine. There is heat, there is lust. There is the fury of desire. I clutch at you. Your lips open, I probe, I push with my tongue. I touch. You suck in your breath. You draw me to you. I frown; I shudder, for this has found me. It has fuelled my fire, stoked it with bellows.

The kiss breaks. I say, "I want you." You gasp, shudder. I feel it as my words move over you. I feel it for what it is. You kiss me then with force; a primal thing. I come, clamber upon your narrow bed. My hands are on you. I need. I grasp your flesh with lips. I taste the salt of you, dry. Your skin drags on my tongue, my fingers. Still lower I descend to the quick of you. You moan. You writhe. You cry out and clutch at your bed. I look up and catch your eye. There is truth. There is fear. There is a question, a pleading. I understand it. I know it, feel it in myself. I delve. You are hot and slick, running with warmth. I taste you, savour you, like nectar. You jolt and clutch still harder yet I am enflamed. I tease, slowly, hotly. My tongue touches; it shrieks in you. You are rigid; then moving against me, now rising, holding yourself up. You cry out, a shout in darkness, grow stiff and then flaccid, curling. I crawl, I hold you, whisper. I kiss at your neck, your jaw, and your lips. I say I love you. I say I need you. I say I cannot live unless you say the same. You answer.

The End